Linday's woes: Is it the urine test or the SCRAM?

Article by: Rumer Certeza
Photo: Fame Pictures
Filed Under: Celebrity News 

I'm getting a migraine, get me my fudgie bar! Is it just me, or is there a conspiracy somewhere in the tales of Lindsay's woes?

Because it's getting pre-tty interesting. After Lohan gets summoned back to court after her SCRAM device lets out a buzz at the recent MTV Movie Awards, her lawyer (does the guy have a degree?) claims that the alarm was as real as the one you hear on those emergency drills. Proof of that is the so-called urine test taken by the 'Freaky Friday' star, to clear her name. Look judge, I'm innocent and alcohol free.

Not so fast, cupcake! I'm switching to my Sherlock mode this time. While Shawn Chapman Holley stands firm in the defense of his client, the urine test itself raises doubts. (It could be his own urine) That's according to a representative of the District Attorney's office who has yet to set eyes on the test results, ditto goes for the prosecutors.

Then to turn everything into a circus, goody-two-shoes mommy steps in to save the day! Don't you wish all mothers were like her? Let me translate. Dina Lohan's theory explains that someone else must have spilled some booze on her daughter's SCRAM to set the alarm off.

So while everybody's in some sort of frenzy, I've got suggestions.

First, sack the lawyer and get a real one. Like check out his or her credentials, and not someone from some stage play.

Second, have Dina Lohan's head examined. She's spoiling her daughter silly that its making Lindsay's life more miserable. Its her father who should be there for her.

And lastly, restructure the SCRAM device into some very tiny microchip that can be inserted into her. Now I don't know how she'll escape that.

The bottom line is, you are your own worst enemy, Linday. You have to overcome yourself first to make a difference. Because you can! Peace.