Article by: Rumer Certeza
Photos: Fame 

Hear the drum roll, Lindsay Lohan's back in town! I could've sworn I heard the judge's evil laughter in the background, haha, just kidding!

After painting the town red in Cannes and the lost passport hype, the 23-year-old media hogging sensation makes that long awaited touchdown at Los Angeles International Airport shortly after 7 p.m.

So first things first, Lindsay. Head straight to your West Hollywood condo, take a long cold shower and recite the words repeatedly in your head, "I will not party my guts out." You wouldn't like judge Marsha Revel when she's angry.

Really, cupcake, you even cost the Superior Court Judge her own vacation so she could go one-on-one with you at this upcoming court hearing. And do you think the judge regretted that? Uhm, I don't think soo.. Oh wait, check out Lindsay's last hurrah in Cannes! She's so happy!

So come Monday, it's off limits with the booze for Lohan. That's besides being fitted with an alcohol-sniffing SCRAM device on her ankle and further random drug testing. If the troubled actress takes a rain check, then it's slammer-time! (Sure ain't no booze in there. Don't know with the weed, though)

"If she's not in violation of probation, great news for her. If she is, we'll have to deal with that," Revel said on Thursday. (Doesn't that last part just want to make you pee in your pants?)

And what if the 'Mean Girls' star failed to come back?

According to a statement to E News by criminal law expert Darin Kavinoky, 'If she doesn't come back then her bail would be forfeited and they will immediately issue a new arrest warrant.' Kavinoky by the way, isn't involved in the Lohan issue.

In this case, the actress would possibly face a lawsuit from the bail bond company to reimburse the $100,000, but that's only the beginning.

Continues Kavinovy with E News, "It will make the judge so angry that it would be likely that Lindsay would be remanded. If she doesn't appear, it would be unusual to me that when they finally catch up with her, they arrest her and that she would be in jail."

Look on the bright side, Lindsay. Mr. Right might just be around the corner behind cold, steel bars. Brrrr!